10 to 1

"Courage, dear heart", Nova whispered under battered breath. Juxtaposed with the sea of people surrounding her, cheering for the New Year, she felt like an outsider, a misfit, and lonelier than ever. She was clad in an oversized parka, in an attempt to parry the nipping wind, but she was inexplicably cold to the bone. Loneliness was icy.

I should have stayed home, Nova cursed at herself for making the impulsive decision to attend one of those annoying New Year parties. She wanted very much to retreat back to her comfortable abode—her room. This place reeked of alcohol and overrun teenage vigour. Some teenagers had thrown up from getting too drunk and were lying in their own vomit. Nova grunted in disgust. She held her breath, careful not to inhale any of that astringent odour.

11:59 pm. More screaming, the neon lights were discomforting, the smell of lingering stale alcohol nauseating. One minute to the New Year, sixty seconds to say her goodbyes.

She wasn't ready for this. But then again, when has she ever been? Nova was repulsed by the idea of change. She was terrified of the New Year, of uncharted territory. What others regarded as a new adventure, she rejected with disdain. Looking back, all her life she was propelled by the necessity to move forward: go to school because she had to, study for that test because failing was taboo here, talk to people because silence meant she was a freak. She couldn't think of a time when she did something for herself. Will the next year be any different?

Ten!

Ten seconds. Everything was a blur, panic for the unknown dulled her senses. More cheering, fist pumps, hallelujahs, we've-made-it's. Aren't these people afraid? Are they even human?

Nine! Eight! Seven!

Fear, fear, fear. So much fear. It was as though Nova was thrusted back to the time she was seven. Her parents had taken her to Hong Kong and inadvertently lost her right smack in the middle of the bustling concrete jungle. The people spoke in thick accents of Mandarin that was foreign to her. She was terrified because she knew nothing of the place, of the people. Lost little girl, insignificant and lonelier than ever.

Six! Five! Four!

Time was ticking. She willed herself to be brave, she could do this. She’s always been able to. But the affliction of emotions — fear of the unknown, and sadness for the loss of familiarity — surged at her like a wave and halted her breathing.

Three!

The people around her roared with excitement. Three? Three. The Japanese say that everyone has three faces. The first one, we show to the world, the second, to friends and family and the third, only to ourselves. That was supposed to be the truest reflection of ourselves. But suddenly, she felt as if she had no inkling of her identity, lost in the sea of people.

Two!

Two more seconds to a second chance maybe? Perhaps the New Year would be different. No more fear, no more mediocrity, no more shrinking to accommodate circumstance. Circumstance would have to suffer her. "I don't want to be a mere manifestation of fear and regret anymore," she muttered.

One!

The crowd cheered with alacrity. Alas, goodbye!

"And hello Change, my old friend. Throughout my life, you've been the only loyal constant. Maybe it's time we're properly acquainted with each other," Nova smiled.