10 things I hate about you

10. I hated how you looked away when our eyes met for the first time for the briefest of moments. You turned the brightest shade of red that I had ever seen! I hated how you snuck a glance at me when you thought I wasn't looking and quickly looked away again. I hated how it made my stomach turn somersaults and I was left thinking about you for the rest of the day. 9. I hated how we were in the same class but never exchanged words, hated it so much that I decided to do something about it and talk to you, which I failed at terribly to my dismay. The poetry which I had written for you on all those lonely and pining nights unravelled themselves in a string of inarticulate stammers. I hated how that had to be our first conversation. 8. I hated how you always left me wanting more. I hated that our late night phone calls would always end with you saying, "I'm sleepy. Good night." I hated how our conversations would run through my head even as I lay in bed and how I seemed to remember every single word you said but never the content for the test the next day. 7. I hated how you had so much beauty and yet could see none of it. I hated how you let those girls' words get to you. Was I not enough? I hated how you ignored me and my timeless reminders about how you were perfect the way you were and my begging for you not to change. I hated you for trying to be strong, even though I knew you were broken inside and how you refused to lean on me even a little, even though I was there for you to lean on. I hated how I was unable to do anything but watch as you suffered. 6. I hated how it passed all too fast and then it was goodbye. 5. I hated how you ruined every relationship that I had after. I had tried for a while, but to no avail. I saw you in every girl I dated. The one thing they shared in common was their close resemblance to you, though I had not realised this at the time. But none of them could really hold a candle to you when it came down to it- this, I was sure. Despite falling out of touch, you plagued my every waking hour. I hated how I would be reminded of you in the strangest of ways (like that time when I witnessed a traffic accident). The shade of orange of the traffic cones always was your favourite colour. 4. I hated how receiving your invitation still made my heartbeat quicken. I hated how I unknowingly traced my fingers along the embossing of your name on the envelope, hated how it reminded me of the times I would trace your name on the table, with my index finger during class, in our younger days. 3. I hated how beautiful you had become. Beauty no longer just visible to me but also to the eyes of others. I hated how my eyes lingered on you even as I watched you walk to another man, how your eyes met mine and you smiled, no longer looking away. I hated how you approached me after, thanked me for coming and confessed that you actually had a little crush on me during our college days but had eventually gotten over it. 2. I hated you for being the woman whom I had to fall for. I hated you for being so precious to me that I dared not to confess for fear of ruining what we already had. I hated how you were one of a kind, and how I had not realised it sooner. I hated you for moving on. I hated you for leaving me behind. I hated how you had changed so much in the 7 years that I didn't see you and hated how you hadn't really changed at all. I hated how your eyes would light up when you smiled, how your laughter would colour the room, no longer for me, but for another man. ​ 1. I hated that I had never really hated you, not in the slightest, not at all.