Mountain View

For the first time in my life, I lit three joss sticks and bent down to caress the ground that shielded a man who had walked a long and meaningful life. My fingers were numb from the winter cold and every breath of mine turned into mist in the chilly winter morning, but nothing felt colder than the stone that lay so lifelessly in front of me, even though it was carved with words of gold and flowers of the warmest colours lay across his name in an attempt to make the atmosphere less bitter. Above all, everything was uniform – everyone there had the same headstone. Everything felt so empty. I may have forgotten the number of times I knocked on your door every time when I came back from overseas to visit and I may have forgotten the fact that while I grew older and stronger each year, you became older and increasingly frail. It was almost taken for granted that every time when I knocked on your door, you would be there to open it but now you’re not there anymore. Yet, I remember vividly when I saw my father cry for the first time. I remember being told that you did not manage to mouth your last words before you left, and I remember the eerie look of calmness on your face when you lay so lifelessly in the coffin. Do you feel anything inside there? I hope the mountain view will suffice, now that every day you get to look at the birds fly past. And time will now stop forever for you because the last 89 years went by without waiting for you. Is it warm inside? I heard it cost a lot to have the stone sealed air-tight. Is it exciting to lead a new life? I’ve always imagined it was better after life. Can you see me standing by your stone; are you trying to hold my hand like how you always did in the past? I always try and feel for your existence, I always try to feel for your hand. But I guess, it’s not going to happen this lifetime anymore. I have so many questions that cannot be answered. There are so many rumours that cannot be proven. Wherever you are, I trust that you will be strong – like the man who singlehandedly brought up a whole family of four. I trust that you will be happy, and I trust that you will be safe. It’s snowing harder this year than any other year. ​ Stay warm, enjoy the view.