Blue Roses

She plucked the roses' petals one by one, counting them as they fell to the ground. "One, two, three... eleven, twelve..." To others, she seemed like a lunatic - buying a bouquet of roses for herself, and then plucking their petals, one by one. Indeed, even to herself, she thought that she was losing her grip on sanity. She had been trying to hypnotize herself for the past few weeks, evidently never succeeding. Every time the memories came back to haunt her, she would chastise herself. "Forget it, just bloody forget it. It has been too damn long for you to be so hung-over it." Her heart would clench tighter, as if the vicious impact before hadn't caused a black hole in her. She didn’t know that the guy she loved so much would turn on her and betray her. She felt dirty and sick. She could not get all his scent from her body and she felt so violated. After she finished plucking the petals, she would pick them up and bring them home. She would put them in a huge jar, watching as the newly plucked petals joined the decaying petals of the roses before. It was a beautiful gradient, from bright red to dark red to black *** She's afraid of admitting to herself that she has a monster in her. The monster chews her inside-out. “Bella” was normally well-controlled, but it was the time when they were alone that it would come out and destroy everything that hindered its way. “Bella” was an insatiable vampire who lusted for blood, for human pleasure. It would seek different ways just to satisfy itself. It would disguise itself as “Isabella” to lure unsuspecting victims into its lair. She didn't want it. She could feel everything “Bella” felt. It's disgusting for her to feel exultant in the monster's ecstasy. She hated herself for quietly breeding “Bella” in her for so many years. She’s broke had a breakdown for so many years, relying on the monster to block invaders. Those who got past weren't without injuries; those who didn't nearly had themselves killed. She needed an equal to her monster. She needed a knight for the monster. Maybe it's another monster that she needed to tame it. *** She said to herself, “One day when blue roses are real, so will the things I long for."